The other day I had Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over for dinner. He thought it would be funny if we gave each other gifts that we don’t really have much use for any more. I thought it might be a pretty funny idea, so I found an old Walkman to give to him. He gave me his sense of human decency. Awkward.
If elected, I can’t wait for my first State Dinner. Angela Merkel and I do a rocking karaoke version of “Du Hast.” I also hear that Putin has a good voice, but I can’t vouch for that. Last time I saw Vlad at a party I asked him to do “Winds of Change” by the Scorpions with me, but he demurred.
Being that George is a bachelor, I have suggested to him that we appoint a Handler/2nd lady. He insisted that we ask Zooey Deschanel. I hope he’s not putting all of his eggs in one basket.
I have also decided that “Hail to the Chief” has more or less run its course. My staff is running focus groups to see if Americans would be more inclined to have me introduced by “Mama Tried” or “Enter Sandman”.
Since most Americans don’t really know who Alexander Hamilton is, when I am president his portrait on the $10 bill will be replaced by one of The Dude.